Monday 20 April 2009

Dogs

Look at the absurd look in the swine's eye! The way he postures as though he has an ounce of sense! I assure you, the only thing on any dog's mind is how to please, at any cost, their strangely smitten owners.

Yes, owners... there is no nobility among the dog breed, only subservience - they gladly give up their independence and status for the sake of food and to be walked on a leash (can you imagine the humiliation!). For those of you who live with dogs - and you have my extreme sympathy - you will know how readily they will be dominated by us; even - or sometimes especially - when we are very small. Use them as cushions and sample their food if you take a fancy to it, they are bound not to take long term action.

The danger in dogs is indeed not inspired by malice, but on the contrary by a complete lack of brain. They may chase you mindlessly, bark at you relentlessly, and even attack you physically simply through lack of tact and mental direction.

I do not exactly advise you to fear dogs - this would suggest a kind of respect - but instead to fear their general stupidity. Remember, they cannot climb trees and are as a rule less agile than you are, and will always make a tremendous racket when chasing anything (a further sign of their willingness to relinquish skills that were perhaps once natural to them), so you're sure to hear them coming. I wouldn't say either that they were particularly unpredictable. And they are just as likely to chase a stick as to chase you.

However, the sorry fact remains that dogs are equipped with jaws whose power far outweigh their mental capacity, so take care you are not brought into contact with them - not least because you'd be webbed in drool.

Personally, I put my somehow inherent inability to abide dogs down to their fearful smell.

2 comments:

  1. Woof Woof, wag wag, pant pant, am I a good boy? Please say I'm a good boy?!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Run and fetch my pilchards, and please refrain from breathing on me.

    ReplyDelete