Monday 4 May 2009

Endearing yourself - the three basic skills

Occasionally compromising your natural behaviour in order to obtain some personal goal is not to be sneezed at; remember, you are chief both of yourself and your providers, and allowing them to feel soft towards you does not mean relinquishing control. On the contrary, it's you who can switch their hearts to your favour at your own whim. Use the following wisely, however - do not over milk it, or you may find it loses its bite. Endearing yourself to your providers - in other words behaving in such a way that 'inspires' a reward of some kind - means mastery of preferably all the following skills:
1. The 'eccentric' skill
2. The 'human' skill
3. The 'cute' skill
Please refer to the below snaps for a visual lesson on each of these skills, as demonstrated by the capable paws of yours truly. I shall now endeavor to address them in turn:
1 - The eccentric.
As you see, I am fruitlessly sitting in a box. The key here is to do something strange, pointless and, if possible, out of character. Be warned - this is the skill over which you are most likely to have a provider laugh openly into your whiskers. But the results can be very rewarding: following a short stint in this particular attitude, I was given a good brushing and a jolly good romp with some garden twine - all without my having to leave the sunny warmth of the box.
2 - The human.
This is simple. Have a swipe at doing something like trying to open a door or window (see the charade above), and you could be amazed at the delight caused. Alternatively, think of some other prank that is traditionally carried out by your providers, and not by you. Bizarrely, people tend to think of themselves as cleverer than you are, and it follows that, should they ever see you behaving 'like them', they will assume you to be particularly intelligent or capable of 'learning'.
Once I had gained entry to the above door, I was immediately rewarded for my 'cleverness' with a saucer of unscheduled milk.
3 - The cute.
You will probably find yourself actioning the cute skill without even being aware of it. However, it is more than possible to hone. See snap three - I discovered from a very early age that demanding attention by picking a provider out from a group and gaining paw of their lower trousers made them feel extremely special. As the self-contained, strong headed and clawed individuals that each of us are born to be, it is viewed as a particular privilege for us to give any one provider special attention. And hind leg behaviour, once mastered, makes full use of the 'cute' skill.
For maximum impact, pick someone that is generally disliked. They will immediately find in you an unexpected mate of the spirit, and are bound to offer extended knee time and perhaps even illegal table scraps. What you are saying with the upright patting of the leg is 'I choose you'. Once chosen, they will be veritable butter in your paws.
A single note of caution: be mindful here of claw snag. Getting yourself hitched on when performing this skill undermines the entire operation, and is likely to result in your being regarded as unable to conduct yourself properly in company.