Children

As you can see from this snap, children can be extremely deceptive. This one looks practically harmless, not even very pinchy, but believe me you mustn't be lulled too far into a sense of security. The key to whether a child is horrendous or not is largely down to the attitude of its providers. (Note: I have never quite settled on whether a child has providers, as we do, or owners, as dogs do. The ways in which they can manipulate however lead me to the former.)

If a child's providers like you, you have won the first battle. One key here is to remember at all costs not to scratch the face of their child, no matter how much it may deserve it. If you do accidentally (or deliberately) catch the face, or to be truthful any part of the child with a serious claw or tooth, you may as well resign yourself to the outdoor life. This is my experience in any case. The key, therefore, is in speed and volume, rather than in direct violence.

If a child is pulling your tail or holding you in such a way that you would have to physically damage it in order to get away, screech at as high a pitch as you can muster. If a child is chasing you, do this alongside the obvious attempts to flee. On the other side of the paw, if a child is being, by some miracle, gentle and quiet with you, and not stroking you the wrong way, you must become especially pleased - purr like the wind, and roll if you can (always being mindful of the danger of backward stroking, which never fails to get my tail going).
You will find, with any luck, that your screeching will cause the child to be held to account, and nice stroking will bring upon it a shower of praise. Hopefully, in this way, you can be in command of teaching the child how to behave correctly around you.

This is, as I have said, dependent on its providers being at least a little on your side. If they do not seem to be, make a huge fuss at the expense of their child in front of as many people as you can. If the child is in one room, dash from it, screeching, into the next - there's no need to await provocation in this case. Remember, no one wishes to publicly admit that their child is horrendous, and will generally feel obliged to take your part in order to save face.